It’s Sunday, and you’re hit with a familiar, pungent odor. It’s that particular smell, the one that’s so definitively…smelly. What is it? The aroma intensifies as you cautiously open the door. Anchovies. A whole squadron of them, eager for a round of Hollow Knight: Silksong. “No further!” you exclaim, but your plea falls on deaf ears (or rather, nonexistent ears). They swarm into a nearby cardboard box, exhibiting a remarkable talent for compacting themselves, a skill no doubt honed during their previous lives as canned delicacies. From the upper floors, a burst of boisterous laughter rings out, echoing through the slightly musty air. “I warned you to release me!” a voice booms triumphantly, unmistakably that of Adrian Edmondson. “Now you will face the consequences!” As darkness begins to creep into your vision, you find yourself pondering some fascinating pieces of writing from the past week.
The first wave of information crashes over you, courtesy of Christopher Dring from The Game Business. It’s accompanied by the incessant ringing of a multitude of phones. “Hello?” you manage to croak. A gravelly voice on the other end responds, “The developers of the new Indiana Jones game? They have a, shall we say, *unique* extracurricular activity happening in their basement.” The voice continues with more details:
“Apparently, there’s a fight club of sorts happening downstairs,” the speaker explains. “Their animation director is a highly skilled Jujitsu practitioner and organizes lunchtime sparring sessions. People can go down and essentially get a good workout…or a beating. MachineGames has a very diverse range of interests. Lots of people are into shooting sports, for example. It’s a real hub for nerds. We even have LEGO building Thursdays.” Andersson, who was sitting next to audio director Pete Ward, was asked for confirmation. “No, I haven’t personally participated in the basement beatdowns,” he clarified. “We’ve been rather tied up with game development for the last few years.”
“That animation director sounds rather intimidating,” you whisper into the phone. The line abruptly goes dead. Just when you think you’re safe, a shimmering portal tears open within one of your eyes. Through this interdimensional gateway, you’re confronted with an interview between Holly Alice of Pocket Tactics and David Wildemann, the creative force behind the charming narrative management game Tiny Bookshop.
“I once had a seagull that kept demanding a book from me (I’m pretty sure that’s what ‘Gwak’ meant). I gave it a children’s book, and it was delighted. Which kind of book does the seagull prefer? Haha, most of them! It does tend to avoid lengthy tomes, though. It really seems to enjoy books featuring food or animals.”
You suddenly envision a squadron of book-loving gulls soaring towards the closest seaside fish and chip shop. The only problem? The chip shop is precariously perched on one of your eyelashes. The pain is excruciating. “Give me strength to endure this torment!” you silently plead. The desired fortitude arrives in the form of an article by Maitreyi Anantharaman from Defector. Your mind becomes captivated by the story of WNBA star Skylar Diggins, renowned for her ability to thrive even in the midst of chaotic situations.
Throughout Diggins’ WNBA career, she has been surrounded by a constant whirlwind of conflict and disarray. She was drafted to a team that swiftly relocated after her arrival. The Diggins-era Wings were largely dysfunctional, epitomized by an instance where their GM and coach engaged in a physical altercation following a game. There are several responses to such pandemonium. One can strive to be a calming influence. Alternatively, one can choose to amplify the chaos. No matter how turbulent life becomes for Skylar Diggins, she consistently finds a way to take it to the next level.
“Interesting,” you muse. “Perhaps I’ll give NBA 2K26 a try. Maybe the inclusion of WNBA players like Diggins alongside their NBA counterparts in MyTeam mode will make 2K’s annual basketball sim a more engaging experience this year.” But then, the agony returns, as if a vampire is slowly draining the life force from your eyeballs. NO! It’s Konrad Tomaszkiewicz, the founder of Rebel Wolves, emphatically declaring to Lauren Bergin of PCGamesN that The Blood of Dawnwalker, the vampire-themed game from the former Witcher developers, is so much more than *just* a vampire game.
“Our world is populated by numerous creatures of the night. While vampires are central to this initial origin story, due to Coen’s vampiric nature, future installments of the saga will explore other species and elements entirely unrelated to vampires. Our lore and intellectual property are incredibly intricate, with complex interrelationships between the various creatures of the night and humans. You’ll discover that it’s far more than a simple vampire game.”
You emit a silent shriek amidst the encroaching anchovies as one final quote materializes before you. “Someone would have to be on their deathbed, begging me to sing that song, for me to actually sing it.” The figure on a stage, now occupying your pupil, reveals that singer Kelly Clarkson made this rather peculiar statement to Entertainment Weekly back in 2011 about her song A Moment Like This, which is apparently the soundtrack to this week’s unfolding madness. A wave of raucous laughter sweeps over you.
“Curse your twisted, slapstick-loving soul, Adrian Edmondson!” you manage to squeal. “This torment shall persist for a *very* long time,” he replies with a knowing nod.
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